Alyson’s 4/04 Tarot：衝浪者 Surfer (6-57)
Alyson’s 4/04 Tarot：衝浪者 Surfer (6-57)
問題：我4/03的未來日記主題
抽牌：衝浪者 Surfer
今天清晨被地震搖醒了過來。
沒有立即從床上跳起來，只想著，若房子出了狀況，那我這輩子，就是白忙活一場了。
https://dcalyson0110.pixnet.net/blog/post/145480033
以往在高樓十九樓、二十三樓都遇到過地震，非常地搖晃。
以前曾和同事們笑話，若身處的建築物倒了，攔腰斷了，跑也跑不了。
只有資訊單位較緊張，怕斷電，怕系統當機，會馬上反應一些措施。
於是我們幾乎都是非常淡定的繼續工作，繼續開會。
這樣的心態，好還是不好。
這樣的態度，是否有駕馭著情緒，駕馭著衝動。
今日有跟人預約碰面，若是以前，發生大地震，就不會想出門。
沒有怕，是不想貪看熱鬧。
外面情況如何不知道，就怕亂糟糟，而我還跑出去，感覺就是添亂。
但我想著要”改變”，且沒有聽到消防車或救護車的聲音，我所生活的區域應該是還好，沒有嚴重的事情發生。
所以我出門了。
乘駕在浪尖上
手指撫摸著浪花
水從指縫中溜走，抓不住，卻也擁有過
是否，我們人間走一場，也是如此。
存在，非永恆。
永恆裡，存在過。
當下的擁有，下一秒的失落。
因曾擁有過，所以失去會難過。
若未曾擁有過，也就不會有難過？
不，會有另一種難過，一種從來都沒能擁有的難過。
人，是貪心的。
人，是貪婪的。
人，是貪要的。
我今天的「未來日記」難下筆。
一場地震，把心情整個上下振，左右晃，都擰了。
我沒有面臨到末日的恐慌。
還是想著，要如何賺錢，早餐要吃什麼，今天要怎麼安排，電影到底要不要去看。
我還是只想著今天如何過。
我想的只有”當下”。
宇宙說，今日除了追尋刺激，也控管情緒
一時太多情緒，負擔太大
要慎選，要區分，要放掉，要取捨
還是受到地震的刺激和影響。
走過咖啡廳，杯平時捨不得買的高價咖啡。
進入書局，買入一隻看了很久的鋼筆。
走進小吃店，不管是否吃得下，想吃的都點一輪。
我壓抑著一些思緒，一些情緒。
於是，我放縱了物欲，開啟了貪欲，縱容了任性，鬆開了衝動。
我想，寧願破財，也不要情緒高漲下跌。
我放掉了一些甚麼，我取捨了一些什麼。
今天，台灣發生大地震。
我只是安靜又從容得過自己的日子。
這樣，算不算駕馭。
今日的「未來日記」，因放縱與衝動，原本想做的事情幾乎都做了，只有電影院沒開門以外，其他的，全都實現。
不過，都是花錢的事情，所以實現也沒甚麼需要多自豪。
Alyson’s 4/04 Tarot: The Surfer (6-57)
Question: Theme of my future diary for 4/03
Card drawn: The Surfer
This morning, I was awakened by an earthquake.
Instead of immediately jumping out of bed, I found myself thinking, "If the house is in trouble, then my entire life would have been in vain."
I've experienced earthquakes before, even on the 19th and 23rd floors of tall buildings, where the shaking was intense.
I used to joke with colleagues that if the building collapsed and we were trapped, there would be no escape.
Only the IT department seemed nervous, fearing power outages or system crashes, and they would immediately take action. So, most of us remained calm and continued working, continuing our meetings.
Is this attitude good or bad?
Does it control emotions and impulses?
Today, I had an appointment with someone.
In the past, during a major earthquake, I wouldn't have considered leaving the house.
It's not that I was afraid; I just didn't want to get caught up in the commotion outside.
I feared chaos, and adding to it by going out felt wrong. But I thought about "change," and since I hadn't heard any sirens from fire trucks or ambulances, my area should be okay, without any major incidents.
So, I went out.
Riding on the crest of a wave,
Fingers caressing the spray,
Water slipping through my fingers, unable to grasp, yet still possessed.
Isn't life on Earth the same?
Existence, not eternal.
In eternity, there was once existence.
What is possessed in the moment, lost the next.
Because it was once possessed, losing it is painful.
If it was never possessed, would there be no sorrow?
No, there would be another kind of sorrow, the sorrow of never having had it.
Humans are greedy.
Humans are selfish.
Humans are desirous.
I found it difficult to write in my "future diary" today.
An earthquake shook my emotions up and down, left and right.
I didn't face a doomsday panic.
I still thought about how to make money, what to have for breakfast, how to plan my day, and whether to go to the movies.
I only thought about the "now."
The universe says, besides seeking excitement today, control emotions too.
Too many emotions at once are too burdensome.
Be cautious, differentiate, let go, make choices.
Still, I was stimulated and influenced by the earthquake.
I passed by a café and bought the expensive coffee I usually wouldn't.
I entered a bookstore and bought a fountain pen I'd been eyeing for a long time.
I went into a snack shop and ordered everything I wanted, regardless of whether I could finish it.
I suppressed some thoughts, some emotions.
So, I indulged in material desires, unleashed greed, indulged in whims, and let go of impulses.
I thought it's better to lose money than to experience emotional highs and lows.
I let go of something and made choices.
Today, a major earthquake hit Taiwan.
I just quietly and calmly went through my day.
Does this count as control?
In today's "future diary," because of indulgence and impulsiveness, I almost did everything I wanted to do, except the cinema wasn't open.
Everything else was accomplished.
However, they were all things that required spending money, so there's not much to be proud of.
