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【黑語錄】1號壞女孩 黛格瑪皇后

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你還記得小時候我都在你耳邊說的悄悄話嗎?你會成為這天殺的王國內最偉大的女人。Do you remember what I’d whisper you when you were little, right before you drifted off? You will be there greatest woman this goddamn kingdom has ever.

黛格瑪皇后Queen Dagmar,是馬特·格朗寧最新創作的美國諷刺動畫情景喜劇—《崩壞夢王國》主要角色之一,馬特·格朗寧大家最熟悉的作品是神諭情境卡通《辛普森家庭》,黛格瑪皇后是主角荳荳公主的親生母親,在一次意外中了石化詛咒,從小失去母親的荳荳,因為過於渴望母愛陪伴,某次因緣際會下,復活了朝思暮想的母親,但是才發現事與願違,母親不只是黑女巫,天生冷酷惡毒、自私自利,還是當初想刺殺父親,想謀奪夢王國的寶座的兇手,復活後不只經常利用自己的女兒,貌美的黛格瑪也總是嘲諷著外貌平凡的荳,甚至還想殺了她,好奪取她的魔力讓自己更強大,搞的荳荳原本糟透的生活,變的更複雜混亂,十分後悔為了自己的無知與愚蠢幻夢而付出代價。

人類的慾望創造了黑暗面,而黑暗面激發出人性更多樣的瘋狂與荒謬,這些都在馬特·格朗寧筆下的人物一覽無遺,父與子,母與女,永遠都有角力不完抓馬時刻,永遠剪不斷理還亂的糾葛,雖然荳荳才是劇中的主角,但比起嘈嘈不休、總是不知道自己在幹嘛的她,我更喜歡作風明快、目標明確,懂得個人包裝的黛格瑪,是有點不擇手段,但這就是成人的厚黑學,所以黛格瑪成為我這幾年來最愛的壞女人,接下來就介紹一些她在劇中經典的毒語錄給大家。

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  • 接受現實吧,你跟我一樣自私自利,把皇冠帶上,我們攜手實現最狂野的夢想。Face it, you’re just as self-service as I am. Now put on the crown, and together we will make our wildest dreams come true.
  • 說真的,假裝在乎你的感受,其實還真累人,幸好再也不必叫你「親愛的」了。Actually, pretending to care about your feelings was exhausting. And I no longer have to call you « darling. »
  • 你小時候,我試過毒害你父親,但我真該毒害你才對,因為你只會礙事。When you were little, I try to poison your father, but I should have poisoned you instead, because all you do is mess  things up.
  • 妳那荒謬人生中的每個轉折,都是我造成的,每個小細節都ㄧ直在我掌控之中。Every twist and turn in your ridiculous life, that was all me. I’ve overseen every detail right down to the place settings.
  • 就當做是安慰吧,我結婚時也很不爽,只是少了手銬。If it make you feel any better, this is exactly what happened to me at my wedding. Minus the handcuffs.
  • 我覺得由你來繼承我的衣缽最適合,或者說正確點,是撐大我的衣缽。It seems only fitting that you fill my shoes, or in your case, overfill them.
  • 你知道我最討厭什麼嗎?別人浪費我的時間。我不會讓ㄧ個只會傻笑、呻吟、愛抱怨的小矮子阻礙到我。You know what I hate most? Wasting my time. And I will not be thwarted by a simpering, whimpering, whiny, little elf.
  • 你全身都是白蘭地與失敗的味道。Ugh! You reek of brandy and failure.
  • 等等?你沒有對我下毒嗎?你這樣哪算邪惡女兒?下次帶早餐來的時候,最好有放毒!不然就別拿來我面前。Wait, you weren’t trying to poison me ? What kind of evil daughter are you? Next time you bring me breakfast, see that you do and don’t.
  • 親愛的,要成為邪惡女王,最重要的就是,要穿上完美的裝扮,你的造型必須兼具誘惑與威嚇,好好展現出事業胸器。Now, darling, the most important part of being evil queen is picking the perfect wardrobe. Your outfits must be seductive and intimidating at the same time. Weaponize that cleavage.
  • 愛,多麼浪費時間,我打從出生以來就沒有感受過愛,看看如今我有多少成就。Love, what a waste of time. I haven’t felt love since the day I was born, and look how much I get done.

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